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Fatherhood²: The First of Many Worries as a Father of 2… Equality!

Posted on July 10, 2011March 3, 2018 by Henry Elliss

Now that we’re 10 days in to little Frederic’s life, the dust is beginning to settle and life is slowly getting back to normal. I say normal – I guess that could just be wishful thinking. We’re averaging about 5 hours sleep per night, spending most of our time in the house and mainly changing nappies as entertainment.

But – for instance – last night we started watching ‘The Wire’ again (we’ve been working our way through all five seasons in the past month or so) and despite the lack of sleep, we’re not feeling quite so surprised by it now. So we’ve had a bit more time to ‘think’ about things – and one of the things which is weighing heavy on my mind is brotherly-equality…

By equality I don’t mean racial, sexual or any of the more serious issues – simply that we want to ensure Frederic doesn’t ever feel like he is missing out on something Robert gets. Here’s a few examples:

  • When Robert was born, he received a Child Trust Fund from the (then) government, including a £250 initial deposit – as did all children born at the time. Unfortunately, the current government have seen-fit to remove this benefit, so unless we want explain to Freddie why his brother has a ‘savings account’ but he doesn’t, we’ll have to create our own account for him and deposit equivalent amounts to what Robert got…
  • One of the big advantages of a second child is the amount of stuff you already have and won’t need to buy again – including toys and the like. But Birthday’s aren’t going to be much fun if we’re just wrapping-up Robert’s toys and giving them to Freddie. So striking the right balance between recycling and endless hand-me-downs is going to be tricky…
  • Any of you that know me through Facebook will know that when Robert was born I posted some photos. Probably quite a lot actually – but almost definitely more than I have so far with Freddie… as my mother has already pointed-out several times! It might be due to the novelty-factor, it might be that Freddie doesn’t do as much, or most likely it’s just a matter of memories playing tricks, but I keep wondering whether it’s something that a child will ever look back on and get upset about…

I know I’m blogging-up a mountain out of a mole-hill here, but it’s definitely something that has been crossing my mind alot lately.

If YOU have more than one child, I’d love to hear about your experiences on similar subjects…

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3 thoughts on “Fatherhood²: The First of Many Worries as a Father of 2… Equality!”

  1. BloggerFather says:
    July 10, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Our second was a girl, so we had to get clothes anyway. We probably bought more clothes for her actually, because we got everything we needed and more for him from a cousin. When it comes to toys, though, you have a long time before you need to worry about that. I can’t imagine your kid worrying about new stuff at least until he’s 3, and by then, the old stuff will be broken anyway!nnIt’s funny how I thought our second child would get more attention until I realized it was the opposite. Our older kid is 3, and he’s as demanding as other 3-year-old kids. On the one hand, though, I don’t want to sound too cold, but the lack of the parental obsession we had when we had one child might be good for our girl. nnAnd now that my girl is over a year old, I take a lot of pictures. She’s cuter now than she was as an infant. Trust me, the new guy will get more photos eventually.

  2. Nicki says:
    July 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    I’m a younger sister and I know that this is something that worried my parents, especially my mum. I think it’s swings and roundabouts- my brother has had things that I haven’t and vice versa. I don’t begrudge him those things I don’t think he does either. I think they will understand in time that circumstances change and that it’s not always in the parents’ control. They could maybe decide to share the trust fund when they’re older? Plus the whole photo taking thing- maybe it’s easier to take and uploads pics, or you’re more ‘social’ now compared to when your first was born and doing things for the first time. I suppose I’m just telling you to chill… but I’ll probably be 10000 worse when I have kids and will be racked with guilt!u00a0nThat probably hasn’t helped, sorry.

  3. Nicki says:
    July 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Oh, got the two mixed up with the photo thing. Ignore that. I agree, the littler one will get more pics in time! He’s still so new!

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