In an announcement that amused many media commentators last week, the BBC revealed plans to expand the remit of their High Definition services – with upcoming HD versions of BBC News, BBC3, BBC Four, CBBC and Cbeebies. The expansion is a result of bandwidth freed up by the Digital switch-over, and will allow the BBC (and other providers) to broadcast much more content in HD over freeview.
Whilst I’m all for an expanded HD service, the inclusion of Cbeebies in the roster of channels getting an HD makeover has me a little puzzled – not least of all because of the low-tech, animated nature of the majority of their output. As far as I’m aware, NONE of the current Cbeebies output is produced in HD – so it’s going to take some time yet before your little ones actually get any benefit from the new change.
But whilst the average two or three year old probably hasn’t spent a lot of time thinking “Blimey, I’m shocked at the low quality broadcast quality of Postman Pat this week”, it’s got me thinking – what will be next? Well, here’s a few ideas…
In the Night Garden… in 3D
Imagine how amazing In The Night Garden would be, in crisp and jaw-dropping 3D. “OH MY GOD, THE PINKY PONK IS COMING RIGHT OUT OF THE TV MUMMY!”. Though how the 3D engineers would cope with the horrendously confusing perspective issues is beyond me. “Oi, Mike, should the Ninky Nonk be bigger than Makka Pakka in this scene, or smaller?”, “F*ck knows mate, I’m struggling to figure out what to do with the HaaHoos – If I make them come out of the TV, most kids will crap their pants!”
Grandpa in My Pocket… the interactive edition
Using the most cutting-edge Red button technology, Grandpa in My Pocket could be massively enhanced with interactive elements. Using their remote control, your little one could control the storyline of the show – leading to new and exciting developments… “If you think Grandpa should put on the shrinking cap, press blue. If you’d rather see how the story plays out with Grandpa using more regular means, press yellow”. Or perhaps “If you’d like to see Mr Mentor the Inventor cocking up his latest invention, press the green button. If you’d rather see him choosing a new career and moving out of the lighthouse, perhaps you’re watching the wrong program?”
Postman Pat – SDS… with social TV
If you enjoy the daily adventures of Pat and the mysteriously-modern (and almost certainly privatised) “Special Deliver Service”, why not tweet along with your favourite episode? After all, what could be more fun than hearing the world’s toddlers ranting and raving about this week’s episode? “Wow, that Mrs Goggins is a right GILF!”, “Why hasn’t Pat been fired yet – he’s clearly imcompetent!” or maybe “JESS! Why isn’t there a YouTube channel dedicated to your exploits?! #internetcats”. Just like the Eurovision Song Contest, I for one would rather watch Postman Pat with the added frisson of a million social commentators chipping in. Who wouldn’t?!
Gigglebiz… with Augmented Reality
If you – like me – are a fan of Justin Fletcher’s high-brow comedy vehicle, Gigglebiz, you’ll be excited to see the new augmented reality edition. Simply go to the Cbeebies website before each week’s episode, download the iPhone app and point it at your TV during the episode. Soon you’ll be enjoying the delights of Arthur Sleep, reading you the news as if he were in your own living room. Or maybe Anne Tique, wondering round your room (almost) knocking over your furniture and vases. Just WAIT until you see how good Captain Adorable looks on your tiny mobile phone screen, chattering away to your little’uns as if he were REAL…
And don’t even get me started on “I can cook” in Smell-o-vision…
So there we have it. THE FUTURE. Embrace it soon, or get left behind like some kind of Grandpa in a pocket…